Follow Me

Answers don't come easy

2012-02-07T19:58:00.000-08:00

Tell me what to do with this beating heart
While I bleed alone tonight
And it's alright if you don't say a word
Or make it all work right

I can wait
It's enough to know you can hear me now
Oh I can wait
It's enough to feel so near you now
And when answers don't come easy
I can wait

Mind's eye can only see so far
And reason can only guess
But knowing you see more than what meets the eye
Helps me see through my helplessness

2012-02-01T11:58:00.000-08:00

No One But You

Who will love me through change, good or bad
And stay true if I win or I lose?

Who won't forget me when I hide my face?
Who will forgive me when I'm accused?

No one but you
No one but you
No one but you

Who will tell me the truth to my face 
And not use it to run me down?

Who will lead me to water and leave me to drink
but not leave me to drown?

No one but you 
No one but you
No one but you

Who do I have in heaven but you and on earth there's no one as true
Who have I in heaven but you and on earth there's no one that's true 
                     
Who let's mercy come dance on the graves 
    of the pleasures we strangled with greed?
Whose dreams can shatter the real world 
    and drive out the darkness so I can see?

No one but you
No one but you
No one but you

--Leslie Phillips

When doubt creeps back in...

2011-05-11T14:02:00.000-07:00

"Under hopeless circumstances he hopefully believed" (Rom. 4:18). (Weymouth)

Abraham's faith seemed to be in a thorough correspondence with the power and constant faithfulness of Jehovah. In the outward circumstances in which he was placed, he had not the greatest cause to expect the fulfillment of the promise. Yet he believed the Word of the Lord, and looked forward to the time when his seed should be as the stars of heaven for multitude.

O my soul, thou hast not one single promise only, like Abraham, but a thousand promises, and many patterns of faithful believers before thee: it behooves thee, therefore, to rely with confidence upon the Word of God. And though He delayeth His help, and the evil seemeth to grow worse and worse, be not weak, but rather strong, and rejoice, since the most glorious promises of God are generally fulfilled in such a wondrous manner that He steps forth to save us at a time when there is the least appearance of it.

He commonly brings His help in our greatest extremity, that His finger may plainly appear in our deliverance. And this method He chooses that we may not trust upon anything that we see or feel, as we are always apt to do, but only upon His bare Word, which we may depend upon in every state.

--C. H. Von Bogatzky

***

Remember it is the very time for faith to work when sight ceases. The greater the difficulties, the easier for faith; as long as there remain certain natural prospects, faith does not get on even as easily as where natural prospects fail.

--George Mueller

Don't look back

2011-05-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

"Black Horse & The Cherry Tree"

Well my heart knows me better than I know myself
So I'm gonna let it do all the talking
I came across a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree

I felt a little fear upon my back
I said, "Don't look back, just keep on walking."
When the big black horse said, "Look this way."
He said, "Hey there, lady, will you marry me?"

But I said no, no, no, no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me
No, no, no, no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me

And my heart hit a problem, in the early hours,
So I stopped it dead for a beat or two
But I cut some cord, and I shouldn't have done it,
And it won't forgive me after all these years

So I sent it to a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree
Now it won't come back, 'cause it's oh so happy
And now I've got a hole for the world to see

And it said no, no, no, no-no-no
Said no, no, you're not the one for me
No, no, no, no-no-no-no
Said no, no, you're not the one for me

--KT Tunstall

The subversive nature of the Lord's Prayer

2011-04-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

Against you, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight. Psalm 51:4

"I don't think you could say more dangerous words than those found in the Lord's Prayer.... I don't think you could wish for something that will turn your life more upside down than this. I think that most of the people who say these words would probably hesitate if they really understood what they were saying.... This is simply a prayer that can't be answered without the tearing down and rebuilding of many things in our lives. Had David prayed and lived this prayer, Psalm 51 wouldn't be in the Bible.

Here are the radical words I have been alluding to: 'Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven' (Matthew 6:10). I must admit that I don't always greet God's kingdom with delight. There are things that I want in my life, and I not only want them, but I know how, when, and where I want them! I want my life to be comfortable. I want my schedule to be unobstructed and predictable. I want the people around me to esteem and appreciate me. I want control over the situations and relationships in my life. I want people to affirm my opinions and follow my lead. I want the pleasures that I find entertaining to be available to me. I want the ministry initiatives I direct to be well received and successful. I want my children to appreciate that they have been blessed with me as their father. I want my wife to be a joyful and committed supporter of my dreams. I don't want to suffer. I don't want to live without. I don't want to have to deal with personal defeat or ministry failure. What I am saying is that I want my kingdom to come and my will to be done.

In this way I stand with David. In David's kingdom, Bathsheba would be his wife. In David's kingdom, Bathsheba would have no husband. In David's kingdom he could have Bathsheba and the blessing of the Lord on his reign at the same time. So, David acted out of zeal for his own kingdom, forgetting that he was sent as the ambassador of a greater King. Sadly, I do the very same thing. I get made at one of my children, not because they broke God's law but because they broke mine. I get impatient with my wife because she is delaying the realization of the purposes of my kingdom of one. Or I get discouraged with God because he brings the very uncomfortable things into my life that I work so hard to avoid.

'Thy kingdom come' is a dangerous prayer, for it means the death of your own sovereignty. It means your life will be shaped by the will of another. It means that you will experience the messiness, discomfort, and difficulty of God's refining grace. It means surrendering the center of your universe to the One who alone deserves to be there. It means loving God above all else and your neighbor as yourself. It means experiencing the freedom that can only be found when God breaks your bondage to you! It means finally living for the one glory that is truly glorious, the glory of God.

You see, the prayer that Christ taught us to pray is the antidote to sin. Since sin starts with the heart, it's only when my heart desires God's will more than it desires my will, that I'll live within the moral boundaries that God has set for me. And it is only God's grace that can produce this kind of heart.

'Thy kingdom come,' words of surrender, words of protection, and words of grace that can only be prayed by those who've been delivered by the Redeemer from the one kingdom that always leads to destruction and death, the kingdom of self."

--from Whiter Than Snow: Meditations on Sin and Mercy, by Paul David Tripp

Come here to Me

2011-03-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

These fancy things will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took its part
When the world has dealt its cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because

When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

You can run into my arms
It's OK don't be alarmed
Come here to me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because

When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

It's raining
Ooh baby it's raining
Baby come here to me
Come here to me
It's raining
Oh baby it's raining
You can always come here to me
Come here to me

I always will...

2011-03-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

If I didn't say it; I'd still have felt it

2011-03-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

"White Flag"

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that
But if I didn't say it well I'd still have felt it, where's the sense in that

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were but

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door, I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I cause nothing but trouble, I understand if you can't talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of it's over then I'm sure that that makes sense but

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door, I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was there, will be there still
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
And you will think, that I've moved on

I will go down with this ship...

--Dido

Get out of my mind...

2011-03-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

I can't live...

2011-03-13T20:27:00.000-07:00

"With or Without You"

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side.
I wait for you.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails he makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore
You gave it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you.
I can't live with or without you.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

My hands are tied, my body bruised
[He] got me with nothing to win
And nothing else to lose.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you.

--U2

Here's one for "N.E.V."

2011-03-06T15:39:00.000-08:00

The only way to really know is to really let it go...

2011-03-04T16:20:00.000-08:00

When loneliness comes stalking

2011-02-02T20:28:00.001-08:00

When loneliness comes stalking, go into the fields, consider
the orderliness of the world. Notice
something you have never noticed before,

like the tambourine sound of the snow-cricket
whose pale green body is no longer than your thumb.

Stare hard at the hummingbird, in the summer rain,
shaking the water-sparks from its wings.

Let grief be your sister, she will whether or not.
Rise up from the stump of sorrow, and be green also,
like the diligent leaves.

A lifetime isn't long enough for the beauty of this world
and the responsibilities of your life.

Scatter your flowers over the graves, and walk away.
Be good-natured and untidy in your exuberance.

In the glare of your mind, be modest.
And beholden to what is tactile, and thrilling.

Live with the beetle, and the wind.

~ Mary Oliver ~

(excerpt from The Leaf and the Cloud: A Poem)

Take my heart and break it

2011-01-22T20:43:00.000-08:00

If I was bold enough
I would follow you forever
But darling please
Rescue me, take me out

Some may say it's my fate
Am i just in time
Or am i late
If you can, understand

Then take me out
I don't start, I don't end
I don't change on my own
Take me out
I don't lose, I don't win
I don't do well alone
Love is what we make it
Take my heart and break it
Take me out
I don't want to stay home

You make me dread
You make me sweat
But can you make
Love mean something instead
Something real, make me feel

I don't want to stay here

I don't wanna live half my life
And disappear
So if you want to take chances
Take a chance on me

I don't wanna waste your time...

2011-01-01T07:49:00.000-08:00

"When we learn to wait for our Lord's lead in everything, we shall know the strength that finds its climax in an even, steady walk. Many of us are lacking in the strength we so covet. But God gives full power for every task He appoints. Waiting, holding oneself true to His lead--this is the secret of strength. And anything that falls out of the line of obedience is a waste of time and strength. Watch for His leading." --S. D. Gordon

"I hate waiting..."

2010-12-31T12:36:00.000-08:00

"In waiting, I waited, for the Lord." (Psalm 40:1, margin.)

"Waiting is much more difficult than walking. Waiting requires patience, and patience is a rare virtue. It is fine to know that God builds hedges around His people--when the hedge is looked at from the viewpoint of protection. But when the hedge is kept around one until it grows so high that he cannot see over the top, and wonders whether he is ever to get out of the little sphere of influence and service in which he is pent up, it is hard for him sometimes to understand why he may not have a larger environment--hard for him to 'brighten the corner' where he is. But God has a purpose in all HIS holdups. "The steps of a good man are ordered of the Lord," reads Psalm 37:23.

On the margin of his Bible at this verse George Mueller had a notation, "And the stops also." It is a sad mistake for men to break through God's hedges. It is a vital principle of guidance for a Christian never to move out of the place in which he is sure God has placed him, until the Pillar of Cloud moves.

--from Streams in the Desert

Jesus knows what I need

2010-12-14T18:25:00.000-08:00

Santa knows what I want for Christmas
but Jesus knows what I need
It can't be purchased, wrapped up, and placed
under an ephod tree

I need patience, kindness--virtues like these
to bend on my knee at the manger

Santa may bring things that last for a year
but eternal gifts come from the Savior

Some days come where I'm playing selfish
I can't think of no one but me
Then I think of all that I'm blessed with
and that it's always best to give than to receive

I need faithfulness, love, generosity
to open my home to a stranger

Santa may bring things that last for a year
but eternal gifts come from the Savior

I need patience, kindness, generosity
to bend on my knee at the manger

Santa may bring things that last for a year
but eternal gifts come from the Savior

Santa knows what I want for Christmas
but Jesus knows what I need
--Leigh Nash

With You

2010-11-29T13:00:00.000-08:00

I'd swim across lake Michigan
I'd sell my shoes
I'd give my body to be back again
In the rest of the room

To be alone with you
To be alone with you

You gave your body to the lonely
They took your clothes
You gave up a wife and a family
You gave your goals

To be alone with me
To be alone with me
To be alone with me
You went up on a tree

To be alone with me you went up on the tree

I'll never know the man who loved me
--Sufjan Stevens

All this time...

2010-10-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

All this time
All this time
All this time
And you on my mind

I feel like the wind just came and blew all the crumbs away
I'm finally breaking it off with your memory

You're still in my cupboards
Get out of my cupboards
Get off of my walls

All this time
All this time
All this time
And you on my mind

You're where I hang my keys when I walk in the door
You're the jacket I borrowed and proudly wore
But with you in my head you stay under my skin and interfere with my heart

All this time
All this time
All this time
And you on my mind

I feel like the wind just came and blew all the crumbs away
I'm finally breaking it off with your memory

--Sarah Watkins

Lord, I want it all

2010-04-02T15:27:00.000-07:00

"May all your expectations be frustrated.

May all your plans be thwarted.

May all your desires be withered into nothingness that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance in the compassion of God who is Father, Son, and Spirit.

Amen."

--Brennan Manning

Hope from Grey's Anatomy...

2010-03-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

I will show you love like you've never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word
'Cause you will come alive again
Call the trying times your friend
Pain that you have suffered through
Never get the best of you
You will hope in something real
Won't depend on how you feel
When you call my name, then I will answer, answer

Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child
Trust in me my child

Walk out on the water
You have no control
Scared of every failure
Sacrifice your soul, please let that go

Cause you have climbed an uphill road
You have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights
Nearly giving up the fight
Watch your dreams like fallen stars
Heartache made you who you are
Looking back you see that I've always been there

Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child
Trust in me my child

Where you gonna hide, where you gonna hide from me?
Where you gonna go, where you gonna go that I can't see?

Cause I have heard your cry
And it breaks my heart, for I love you so
I will never lie
This is not the end
There is still a hope

Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child
Trust in me my child

-Kendall Payne

A Chance to Die

2010-02-09T19:08:00.000-08:00

Reaching, always reaching
Never reaching solid ground
Seeking, always seeking
Never seeking what I've found

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die

Both my hands are filled with guilt
Be my absolution
Both my eyes are blind with filth
Be my absolution

Hey, baptize my mind
Hey, baptize my eyes
Hey, baptize my mind
For these seeds to give birth to life
First they must die
--Jon Foreman

It's time for a new year...

2010-01-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

the battle line is drawn, it's all in black and white
hope is pulling forward and fear from behind
it's time

it's time to make a move, so what will you decide
the clock is ticking on, don't let it pass you by
it's time
it's time

the time is now for lifting souls
the time is now for letting go
from your skin to your core
let light and love come rushing through the door

you learned every song, memorized the verse
took the bread and wine and even bought the shirt
it's time

it's time to hold your shield, it's time to draw your sword
let's be the resistance, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord
it's time
it's time

the time is now for lifting souls
the time is now for letting go
from your skin to your core
let light and love come rushing through the door

it's time to make a stand
to put your heart in greater hands
from your skin to your core
let light and love come rushing through the door

sisters, brothers, thieves and lovers
come uncover eternity
turn your faces from finite places
Heaven's grace will set you free

--Phil Wickham

Just do it

2010-01-10T20:44:00.000-08:00

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.

If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; succeed anyway.

If you are honest people may cheat you; be honest anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the end, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway."

-Mother Theresa

Come on

2009-12-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

RESURRECT ME

It takes a long time to kill a man
Fifty-five years at least
Until he breaks down
Starts to look underground
To go off and get him some peace
I want to die a lot quicker than that
If it's my only way out
I've been counting up the cost
Getting up on that cross
Want to know what this is all about

Father Time steals our days like a thief
There's no price that I wouldn't pay to get some relief
I've become the empty shell
Of a man I don't like so well
I am a living, breathing hell
Come on and resurrect me

I tried to drown the pain with a friend of mine
It didn't seem to help
She's got a pretty face with her wedding lace
But I'm still waking up with myself
I know what it means to choke it down
Down until your legs get weak
I know what it's like on a Saturday night
To be alone in a crowded street

Father Time steals our days like a thief
There's no price that I haven't paid to get some relief
I've become the shell of a man
I am beginning to understand
I've forgotten who I am
Come on and resurrect me

I'm a broken cistern

2009-12-07T11:09:00.000-08:00

THE CURE FOR PAIN

So I'm not sure why it always flows downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh, my Lord, to suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either writers or fools behind the reigns
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all way
But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh, my Lord, to suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

Lock me in a mutal fire

2009-12-05T14:15:00.000-08:00

A Dialogue betwixt God and the Soul

Soul. Whilst my Souls eye beheld no light
But what stream’d from thy gracious sight
To me the worlds greatest King,
Seem’d but some little vulgar thing.

God. Whilst thou prov’dst pure; and that in thee
I could glass all my Deity:
How glad did I from Heaven depart,
To find a lodging in thy heart!

Soul. Now Fame and Greatness bear the sway,
(’Tis they that hold my prisons Key:)
For whom my soul would die, might she
Leave them her Immortalitie.

God. I, and some few pure Souls conspire,
And burn both in a mutual fire,
For whom I’ld die once more, ere they
Should miss of Heavens eternal day.

Soul. But Lord! what if I turn again,
And with an adamantine chain,
Lock me to thee? What if I chase
The world away to give thee place?

God. Then though these souls in whom I joy
Are Seraphins, Thou but a toy,
A foolish toy, yet once more I
Would with thee live, and for thee die.

ANONYMOUS (pub. 1651)

You're all I need

2009-11-21T08:31:00.000-08:00

Like the sweet morning dew
I took one look at you
And it was plain to see
You were my destiny

With my arms open wide
I threw away my pride
I'll sacrifice for you
Dedicate my life to you

I will go where you lead
Always there in time of need
And when I lose my will
You'll be there to push me up the hill

There's no, no looking back for us
We got love sure 'nough, that's enough
You're all, You're all I need to get by

Like an eagle protects his nest
For you I'll do my best
Stand by you like a tree
Dare anybody to try and move me

Darling in you I found
Strength where I was torn down
Don't know what's in store
But together we can open any door

Just to do what's good for you
And inspire you a little higher
I know you can make a man
Out of a soul that didn't have a goal

Cause we, we got the right foundation
And with love and determination
You're all, you're all I want to strive for and do a little more
You're all, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into one
You're all, You're all I need to get by

--Nickolas Ashford & Valerie Simpson

Why did you lead me

2009-11-13T17:27:00.000-08:00

I'm through with love
I'll never fall again
Said adieu to love
Don't ever call again
For I must love you or no one
And so I'm through with love

I've locked my heart
I'll keep my feelings there
I've stocked my heart
with icy, frigid air
And I mean to care for no one
Because I'm through with love

Why did you lead me
To think you could care?
You didn't need me
For you had your share
of slaves around you
To hound you and swear
with deep emotion and devotion to you

Goodbye to spring and all it meant to me
It can never bring the thing that used to be
For I must have you or no one
And so I'm through with love

-as sung by Marilyn Monroe in "Some Like It Hot"

You're right, I am crazy, and I'm a dinkdad glad of it!

2009-11-09T11:33:00.000-08:00

I remember when
I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space
And when you're out there without care
Yeah I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me Crazy
Does that make me Crazy
Does that make me Crazy
Possibly

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice
Come on now
Who do you, who do you, who do you
Who do you think you are
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

I think you're Crazy
I think you're Crazy
I think you're Crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives
Out on the limb
All I remember is thinking, "I want to be like them."
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little
It looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

But maybe I'm Crazy
Maybe you're Crazy
Maybe we're Crazy
Probably

His songs sound like the sky sometimes looks

2009-10-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

Phil's Nephews singing their favorite "Uncle Phil song":

Close my eyes, I’m trying to listen
'Cause it’s been so long since I’ve heard you speak
Send your love, cover over the distance
Between You and me

Oh how long must I wait for my love
'Cause I need You, oh I need You
My heart is bursting and breaking apart
For my love

Come on and blind my eyes, I’m looking to heaven
Holding all Your promises against my chest
I offer up the life I’ve been given
Till my last breath

Oh how long must I wait for my love
'Cause I need You, oh I need You
My heart is bursting and breaking apart
For my love

Your coming is as sure as the sun is rising
Here comes the day it’s breaking in my heart
Your children are running to you

Your coming is as sure as the sun is rising
Here comes the day it’s breaking in my heart
Your children are running to you

Oh how long must I wait for my love
'Cause I need You, oh I need You
My heart is bursting and breaking apart
For my love

Keep it coming...

2009-10-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby you're the best

I wasn't looking but somehow you found me
It tried to hide from your love light
But like heaven above me
The spy who loved me
Is keeping all my secrets safe tonight

And nobody does it better
Though sometimes I wish someone could
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Why'd you have to be so good?

The way that you hold me
Whenever you hold me
There's some kind of magic inside you
That keeps me from running
But just keep it coming
How'd you learn to do the things you do?

Oh and nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, baby, darlin' you're the best

-Carole Bayer Sager

Let the truth break

2009-10-15T12:58:00.000-07:00

Veins that I can trace
Pull my heart away
From love I long to taste
Why do I run away
When I come face to face
With anything I need?

But I am so afraid
If I keep hoping
There will come a day
When my heart is open
That you will walk away
Like you were never there

And I don't know all the truth from the lying
But I know that I need you 'cause I am dying
From being held by hell in this cell of blinding fear

Libera, libera, libera me
From this dark dream to a life stream
Libera, libera, libera me
From this bruised soul living half whole
Libera, libera, libera me

I know there is a place
Free from my borders
Before I turn this grace
Into disorder
I've got to find a way
Out of this chaos

And I don't know all the truth from the lying
But I know that I need you 'cause I am dying
From being held by hell in this cell of blinding fear

Libera, libera, libera me
From this dark dream
To a life stream
Libera, libera, libera me
From this bruised soul
Living half whole
Libera, libera, libera me
Let the truth break
What my fears make
Libera, libera, libera me
From this dark dream
To a life stream
Libera, libera, libera me

Using God's heart as a crawl space...

2009-10-13T11:17:00.001-07:00

A voice is on the wind
It calls me further in
I’m heading deeper into Your heart
Your mark is on my chest
My sails filled with your breath
You guide me by the light of the stars

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore

Though skies go blue to grey
And I’m thrown from wave to wave
You still will hear these lungs singing hard
With every storm I face
I'll find a greater grace
That pulls me deeper into Your heart

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to where the water’s running sweet and bright
The sun is rising in the eastern sky
I leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore

-from "Sailing on a Ship" by Phil Wickham

A good man certainly is hard to find...

2009-10-13T11:06:00.000-07:00

The true measure of a man’s integrity is not what he will do, but rather what he won’t do.
-Flannery O’Connor

"Free! Body and soul free!"

2009-10-13T10:34:00.000-07:00

I feel prone to wander

2009-10-02T08:35:00.000-07:00

"Bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the altar." (Psalm 118:27.)

Is not this altar inviting thee? Shall we not ask to be bound to it, that we may never be able to start back from our attitude of consecration? There are times when life is full of roseate light, and we choose the Cross; at other times, when the sky is grey, we shrink from it. It is well to be bound.

Wilt Thou bind us, most blessed Spirit, and enamor us with the Cross, and let us never leave it? Bind us with the scarlet cord of redemption, and the golden cord of love, and the silver cord of Advent-hope, so we will not go back from it, or wish for another lot than to be the humble partners with our Lord in His pain and sorrow!

The horns of the altar invite thee. Wilt thou come? Wilt thou dwell ever in a spirit of resigned humility, and give thyself wholly to the Lord?--Selected (from Streams in the Desert)

It's gonna take me a little more time...

2009-10-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

SUNRISE
Brandon Heath, Dan Muckala, Nate Campany

You wanna sound off but you can't find the words to
Nothin' makes sense in the way that it used to
Can't find the plus in the positive thinking
The well's run dry and you're not done drinking

Clouds start comin' and the sky will fall
Clock stares back from the bedroom wall
Now you're breathin' just to make it through the night

All you need is a sunrise
Just a moment of dawn
If you're lost in the twilight
Close your eyes and move on
When you're tired in the waiting
Even though it's gonna take you
A little more time
Just a little more time the sun's gonna find you

Holding your days like a stack of paper
Then you're chasing the wind as the pages scatter
You can save a few but you can't get 'em all back
So get out fast with your heart in tact

Find yourself on the very edge
Lying awake in an empty bed
Now you're breathin' just to make it thru the night

All you need is a sunrise
Just a moment of dawn
If you're lost in the twilight
Close your eyes and move on
When you're tired in the waiting
Even though it's gonna take you
A little more time
Just a little more time the sun's gonna find you

2008 Essential Music / Sitka 6 Music (ASCAP). All rights admin. by Sony/ATV Tunes LLC (ASCAP). / Dear Cleveland Publishing/ Warner- Tamerlane Publishing Corp (BMI)/ Wintergone Music (ASCAP) (admin worldwide by Kobalt Music Publishing, LTD)

"I vow that it's goodbye and God bless..."

2009-10-01T07:20:00.000-07:00

"Long did I love you and overmuch." --Kahlil Gibran

And nothing else

2009-09-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

The lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
Have brought me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead, singing

Come out of things unsaid
Shoot an apple off my head and a
Trouble that can't be named
A tiger's waiting to be tamed, singing

You are
You are

Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know, singing

Come out upon my seas
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure?
Or am I part of the disease? Singing

You are, you are, you are
You are, you are, you are

And nothing else compares
Oh nothing else compares
And nothing else compares

You are
You are

Home, home where I wanted to go
Home, home where I wanted to go
Home, home where I wanted to go
Home, home where I wanted to go

I'll take a "more glorious" triumph...

2009-09-28T14:43:00.000-07:00

"The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love a man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death." --Thomas Paine

So that explains it...

2009-09-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

I am suffering from extreme jet lag. Just to explain the scope of this jet lag, my home in Plainville is five hours behind London. Five. Can you imagine this? It is 9 a.m. here, it is 2 p.m. there; it is 1 p.m. here, it is 6 p.m. there. I could go on, but I believe you get the picture. 4 p.m., 9 p.m. Exactly. No one who is six hours away from where their natural body clock is telling them they are, can be held to account for their words or actions. When it is lunchtime here, I want dinner. This is no way to live.

"As I mentioned in my speech Wednesday, I am suffering from extreme jet lag. Just to explain the scope of this jet lag, my home in Libya is six hours ahead of New York. Six. Can you imagine this? It is 9 a.m. here, it is three p.m. there; it is 1 p.m. here, it is 7 p.m. there. I could go on, but I believe you get the picture. 4 p.m., 10 p.m. Exactly. No man who is six hours away from where his natural body clock is telling him he is, can be held to account for his words or actions. When it is lunchtime here, I want dinner. This is no way to live."--from "Saturday Night Live" sketch, "U.N. Address Open: Libyan President Muammar Qadhafi explains himself" on 9/25/09

Reluctantly giving up control...

2009-09-22T09:33:00.000-07:00

Spent a week in a dusty library
Waiting for some words to jump at me
We met by a trick of fate
French navy, my sailor mate

We met by the moon on a silvery lake
You came my way
Said, "I want you to stay."

You and your dietary restriction
Said you loved me with a lot of conviction
I was waiting to be struck by lightning
Waiting for somebody exciting like you

Oh, the thing that you do
You make me go, "Oooh"
With the things that you do, you do, you do

I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it

I'll be criticized for lending out my art
I was criticized for letting you break my heart
Why would I stand for disappointed looks
Fooling all, but I'm on tenterhooks, ooh with the looks
On tenterhooks,
Ooh, with the looks, the looks, the looks

I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it

Relationships were something I used to do
Convince me they are better for me and you
We met by a trick of fate
French navy, my sailor

I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
I wanted to control it
But love, I couldn't hold it
--from "French Navy" by Camera Obscura

I can't help but wonder...

2009-09-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

I often wonder why he came to me
Brought such a flame to me
Then let it die
And if another love should find my heart
It will remind my heart of your goodbye
With every new love
You’ll come back to me
In other eyes it’s you I see
If I love again
Though it’s someone new
If I love again
It will still be you
In someone else’s firm embrace
I close my eyes but see your face
If I love again
I’ll find another's charms
But I’ll make believe
You are in my arms
And though my lips whisper "love me!"
My heart will not be true
I’ll be loving you
Every time I love again...
--from "Funny Lady"

Impatient for the promise

2009-09-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

“Impatience and Eternity” A Lenten Sermon Preached by
Reverend W. Dale Osborne on March 22, 2009
Lectionary Texts: Numbers 21:4-9; John 3:14-21

This is the fourth Sunday in the Christian season called Lent. Around the world people like
you and me are living out their Lenten promises as a way of connecting more fully to the life
Jesus encouraged us to live. From Bangkok to Barcelona, our friends in Christ are patiently
and sometimes impatiently waiting for the promises of Easter. . . . There are millions of people who count Jesus as their redeemer and teacher who are
consciously and unconsciously seeking God’s abiding presence as they make their way on
the journey we call life. The lectionary readings from scripture on this fourth Sunday of Lent
can encourage the faithful to be focused on facing our fears, stretching our patience and
receiving the gift of eternity in Christ.

Our Old Testament reading is from the book of Numbers which is the fourth book of the
Hebrew Torah. The Torah which means teaching or instruction is composed of the first five
books of what we Christians call the Old Testament. Do any of our young people know why
this fourth book of the Torah is called Numbers? How did it earn this name? Most scholars
believe it is called Numbers because of how it begins. The book of Numbers begins with the
first census of Israel. A census is something we do at least every ten years here in the United
States. The book of Numbers details how the first census was taken for Israel. A census is
just a proper way of saying “Let’s count everyone who is part of our tribe or state or country.
Let’s find out what our total number of people is.” If the book of Numbers was just a census
it would have been quite boring. Thankfully it contains more than just numbers. Following
the census chapters there are several chapters containing laws. Laws are boring for some
people too. In order to keep Numbers more readable for people like me, the story-telling or
narrative section begins in Chapter 9. It follows the people of Israel from near the southern
tip of the Sinai Peninsula to Moab, which is east of Palestine, over a period of 38 years.
Numbers is less a history book and more of a recollection of how God and the people of
Israel interacted during their journey away from slavery in Egypt and toward their promised
land. Today’s lesson from Chapter 21 focuses on a critical time of heated, strained and
reconnected relationships between the Israelite people, their earthly leader Moses and
Yahweh, their God.

. . . .Our story finds the Israelite people due southwest of the Dead Sea. Their leader and main
connection to Yahweh is Moses. Moses who had worked so hard to convince Pharaoh to let
the Hebrew people go now had a bit of an angry mob on his hands. According to the New
Interpreters Bible Commentary, during their journey from Egypt to Palestine, the Bible tells
us of eight rebellions: six of the people against their leaders and God, and two of their leaders
against God. In today's reading, the people rebel against Moses and God. The people are
“impatient” or short-tempered because Moses has refused to engage Edom in battle and,
therefore their journey to Palestine is made longer. They are also impatient and angry
because of “this miserable food”. The miserable food was the “manna” which God had sent
to them when they were hungry in the wilderness. The people are resenting what God gives
them freely. In response to their anger and impatience, God sends “poisonous serpents”
whose bites become inflamed on the people who are bitten shortly before they die. The
people don’t like this course of events at all. The biting and the pain and the death made
them rethink their impatience and anger. Eventually, they repent, and ask Moses to intercede
for them. “Pray to the LORD” they beseech Moses in verse 7. God replies that the people
will be healed through a symbol, a bronze or copper snake on a pole. Those who are bitten by
the poisonous snakes are asked to look at the bronze snake on the pole in order to be saved
and healed from their poisonous plight.

This story of impatience and anger towards leaders and towards God rings true on many
levels today. I think of the great anger and impatience that people in the United States and
around the world are feeling due to the collapse of our financial systems. People are being
bitten by mortgage debts as they see their homes foreclosed. Unscrupulous lenders and
merchants of Wall St seem to be poisoned by greed. We cry out to our leaders to take away
our pain. Send the swindlers to jail where they belong we say! What then shall we look at in
order to ease our pain? What can be raised up on a pole for us to gaze upon and find healing?

. . . .The disciples who followed Jesus during his three years of recorded ministry on earth in and
around Galilee had reason to be impatient. They longed for a kingdom that might give them
power and security. The new disciples of Jesus who composed the early church after his
death were also impatient. They had access to John’s record of the Gospel which could have
prompted either anxiety or serenity depending on how it was interpreted for them. Many of
them hoped that Jesus would be returning soon. How long would they have to wait patiently
for an age of grace and hope to be realized? What could be raised up for them to heal the ills
of the impatience, anxiety and anger early Christians experienced in the face of oppression by
the ruling authorities?

John offered to them what he could based on his interpretation of God’s actions at work in
the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. God did not raise up a bronze serpent on a pole as
Moses had been instructed to do hundreds of years in their past. God moved in a new
direction to quell the fears of an impatient people. The words of the Gospel are just as
compelling to me and millions of Christians today as they were nearly two thousand years
ago. They are words of solace and of hope in the midst of turbulent times. They are words
of eternity in the face of impatience. In John 3: 14-17 we read, “And just as Moses lifted up
the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in
him may have eternal life. "For God so loved the world that God gave the only Son, so that
everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. Indeed, God did not
send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved
through him.”

I have always found it boldest and best to deal with impatience and anger through the eyes,
ears and heart of eternity. In Christ, through Christ and with Christ there is eternal hope,
eternal love and eternal life. For this I am eternally grateful. Thanks be to God.

It's true, it's true, it's true...

2009-09-19T14:28:00.000-07:00

I've always known, It's no surprise
It's just my pride keeps me from showing
Time after time, I've tried to disguise
But it's your love that keeps me going

When I find myself in doubt
Your love comes and pulls me out
And when I turn away
You give more and more love every day
Every day

Nobody loves me like you
Nobody loves me like you do

Nobody loves me like you
No one ever loved me
The way you do
No one ever loved me
Loved me like you do

All of my life I've needed you
Sometimes I know that I don't show it
I love you, Lord, for all that you do
And I want the whole world to know it

When I find myself in doubt
Your love comes and pulls me out
And when I turn away
You give more and more love every day
Every day

Nobody loves me like you
Nobody loves me, loves me like you
--Amy Grant

Climb every mountain

2009-09-09T07:48:00.001-07:00

"To abolish all valleys means getting rid of all mountains" --Alan Watts

I will not have loved enough

2009-09-05T09:35:00.000-07:00

NOD OVER COFFEE

All the unsaid words that I might be thinking
And all the little signs that I might give you
They would not be enough
No they would not be enough

So we nod over coffee and say goodbye
Smile over coffee and turn to go
We know the drill and we do it well
We love it, we hate it
Ain't that life

Ain't that the curse of the second hand
Ain't that the way of the hour and the day

If I weren't so alone and afraid
They might pay me what I am worth
But it would not be enough
You deserve better

So we nod over coffee and say goodbye
Do whatever has to be done again today
Get in the traffic and time will fly
Look at the sun and pray for rain

Ain't that the curse of the second hand
Ain't that the way of the hour and the day

The dam of time cannot hold back
The dust that will surely come of these bones
And I'm sure I will not have loved enough
Will not have loved enough

If we could see with wiser eyes
What is good and what is sad and what is true
Still it would not be enough
Could never be enough

So we nod over coffee and say goodbye
Bolt the door it's time to go
Into the car with the radio on
Roll down the window and blow the horn

Ain't that the curse of the second hand
Ain't that the way of the hour and the day

--Mark Heard, from the album, "Second Hand"

If you love Me, Trust Me. Do it.

2009-08-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

John 2. 5: Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it.

Yesterday when I read these words, I thought how good it would be if all of us heard and obeyed them.

They were spoken just after our Lord Jesus had said, Let Me follow out My own course (this is what Westcott says is the meaning of the words He used to Mary)--if you love Me, trust Me.

Mary understood her Son and Lord. So she said very simply to the servants, Whatsoever He tells you to do, do it.

If there be love in our hearts, there will be confidence, and we shall be ready to say to ourselves just what Mary said to the servants (without any ifs or buts), "Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it." --Edges of His Ways, Amy Carmichael

Rejoicing in the truth

2009-08-26T08:29:00.001-07:00

Standing at my window
Hidden by the night
Harboring the private wounds
Safe and out of sight
There's an agony in living
But there's a comfort in the truth
That no one knows my heart
Better than you

I can face a lot of people
With this sanguine act of mine
Guarded by the eloquence
I sometimes hide behind
But it's a veil of false pretenses
That you can see right through
'Cause no one knows my heart
Better than you

Part of me is reaching
Part of me holds back
But when it comes to you
I am a doorway
You're free to walk into
'Cause no one knows my heart
Better than you

There's an agony in living
But there's a comfort in the truth
That no one knows my heart
Better than you

--from the song "No One Knows My Heart" by Susan Ashton/Billy Sprague/Wayne Kirkpatrick

I can't help but hope that

2009-08-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

MAYBE

I don't want to be the one to say goodbye

But I will, I will, I will

I don't want to sit on the pavement while you fly

But I will, I will, oh yes I will

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back

around

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back

The only way to really know is to really let it go

Maybe you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back, you're gonna

come back to me

I don't want to be the first to let it go

But i know, I know, I know

If you have the last hands that i want to hold

then i know i've got to let them go

I still feel you on the right side of the bed

and i still feel you in the blankets pulled over my head

but im gonna wash away, oh i'm gonna wash away everything till you

come home to me

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back

in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back

around

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back

The only way to really know is to really let it go

Maybe you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back, you're gonna

come back to me

you're gonna come back to me

--Ingrid Michaelson

Touching God's work presumptuously

2009-08-20T06:51:00.001-07:00

"Neither know we what to do; but our eyes are upon thee." (2 Chron. 20:12.)

A life was lost in Israel because a pair of human hands were laid unbidden upon the ark of God. They were placed upon it with the best intent, to steady it when trembling and shaking as the oxen drew it along the rough way; but they touched God's work presumptuously, and they fell paralyzed and lifeless. Much of the life of faith consists in letting things alone.

If we wholly trust an interest to God, we must keep our hands off it; and He will guard it for us better than we can help Him. "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass."

Things may seem to be going all wrong, but He knows as well as we; and He will arise in the right moment if we are really trusting Him so fully as to let Him work in His own way and time. There is nothing so masterly as inactivity in some things, and there is nothing so hurtful as restless working, for God has undertaken to work His sovereign will.--A. B. Simpson

He lifted me

2009-08-20T06:18:00.000-07:00

I will extol Thee, O Lord, for Thou hast lifted me up,
And hast not let my enemies rejoice over me.
O Lord my God,
I cried to Thee for help, and Thou didst heal me.
O Lord, Thou hast brought up my soul from Sheol;
Thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones,
And give thanks to His holy name.
For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for a night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

Now as for me, I said in my prosperity,
"I will never be moved."
O Lord, by Thy favor Thou hast made my mountain to stand strong;
Thou didst hide Thy face, I was dismayed.
To Thee, O Lord, I called,
And to the Lord I made supplication:
"What profit is there in my blood, if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise Thee? Will it declare Thy faithfulness?

"Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me;
O Lord, be Thou my helper."
Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing;
Thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness;
That my soul may sing praise to Thee, and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to Thee forever.
Psalm 30

God's "Antiques Roadshow"

2009-08-18T06:29:00.000-07:00

My message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.

Yet [I] do speak wisdom among those who are mature; a wisdom, however, not of this age, nor of the rulers of this age, who are passing away; but [I] speak God's wisdom in a mystery, the hidden wisdom. . . .

For to us God revealed [this wisdom] through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. . . . But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God; for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised (2 Cor. 2:4-14).

Who would claim that they are smarter than God?

2009-08-17T06:49:00.000-07:00

For the word of the cross is to those who are perishing foolishness,
but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
For it is written,

"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise,
and the cleverness of the clever I will set aside." [Isaiah 29:14]

Where is the wise man?
Where is the scribe?
Where is the debater of this age?
Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?

For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. For indeed Jews ask for signs, and Greeks search for wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block, and to Gentiles foolishness, but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. (1 Cor. 1:18-25, New American Standard translation)

Make me

2009-08-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

To Thee, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in Thee I trust,
Do not let me be ashamed;
Do not let my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none of those who wait for Thee will be ashamed;
Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.

Make me know Thy ways, O LORD;
Teach me Thy paths.
Lead me in Thy truth and teach me,
For Thou art the God of my salvation;
For Thee I wait all the day.
Remember, O LORD, Thy compassion and Thy lovingkindnesses,
For they have been from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
According to They lovingkindness remember Thou me,
For Thy goodness' sake, O LORD.

Good and upright is the LORD;
Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in justice,
And He teaches the humble His way.
All the paths of the LORD are lovingkindness and truth
To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
For Thy name's sake, O LORD,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.

Who is the man who fears the LORD?
He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
His soul will abide in prosperity,
And his descendants will inherit the land.
The secret of the Lord is for those who fear Him,
And He will make them know His covenant.
My eyes are continually toward the LORD,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
For I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses.
Look upon my affliction and my trouble,
And forgive all my sins.
Guard my soul and deliver me;
Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in Thee.
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for Thee.

Psalm 25:1-21

Cloud by day; fire by night

2009-08-04T10:20:00.001-07:00

"Thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left." (Isa. 30:21.)

When we are in doubt or difficulty, when many voices urge this course or the other, when prudence utters one advice and faith another, then let us be still, hushing each intruder, calming ourselves in the sacred hush of God's presence; let us study His Word in the attitude of devout attention; let us lift up our nature into the pure light of His face, eager only to know what God the Lord shall determine--and ere long a very distinct impression will be made, the unmistakable forth-telling of His secret counsel.

It is not wise in the earlier stages of Christian life to depend on this alone, but to wait for the corroboration of circumstances. But those who have had many dealings with God know well the value of secret fellowship with Him, to ascertain His will.

Are you in difficulty about your way? Go to God with your question; get direction from the light of His smile or the cloud of His refusal.

If you will only get alone, where the lights and shadows of earth cannot interfere, where human opinions fail to reach--and if you will dare to wait there silent and expectant, though all around you insist on immediate decision or action--the will of God will be made clear; and you will have a new conception of God, a deeper insight into His nature and heart of love, which shall be for yourself alone--a rapturous experience, to abide your precious perquisite forever, the rich guerdon of those long waiting hours.--David.

perquisite n. an incidental payment, benefit, privilege, or advantage over and above regular income, salary, or wages.

guerdon n. a reward, a recompense, or requital

"STAND STILL," my soul, for so thy Lord commands:
E'en when thy way seems blocked, leave it in His wise hands;
His arm is mighty to divide the wave.
"Stand still," my soul, "stand still" and thou shalt see
How God can work the "impossible" for thee,
For with a great deliverance He doth save.

Be not impatient, but in stillness stand,
Even when compassed 'round on every hand,
In ways thy spirit does not comprehend.
God cannot clear thy way till thou art still,
That He may work in thee His blessed will,
And all thy heart and will to Him do bend.

"BE STILL," my soul, for just as thou art still,
Can God reveal Himself to thee; until
Through thee His love and light and life can freely flow;
In stillness God can work through thee and reach
The souls around thee. He then through thee can teach
His lessons, and His power in weakness show.

"BE STILL"--a deeper step in faith and rest.
"Be still and know" thy Father knoweth best
The way to lead His child to that fair land,
A "summer" land, where quiet waters flow;
Where longing souls are satisfied, and "know
Their God," and praise for all that He has planned.--Selected

The noise of words

2009-08-04T09:57:00.000-07:00

Mark 8. 23: He took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town.

Will this Note find someone puzzled about anything, in the dark, as we say, about what they should do?

This morning I was reading through the Gospel of Mark, noticing each place where our Lord Jesus suffered anything, or spoke of suffering, and as I read, words that have nothing to do with that special subject caught my eye: "He took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town".

There is a town of the noise of words, the noise of other people's words, and of our own words, too, as we talk to ourselves and listen to the confusion of our thoughts and desires as they talk within us. There is only One Who can take the blind by the hand, and lead him out of the town. The hand that led that man was soon to be pierced. Soon after this incident we come to the words, "The Son of Man must suffer"--it is a suffering Christ Who leads us out of the town and along the road that leads to clearness of vision, and then to Calvary. But the road does not stop there. It goes over the hill to the Other Side.--Edges of His Ways, Amy Carmichael

My hope is in the Lord

2009-07-31T19:24:00.000-07:00

I don't have the power
I don't even have a clue
I don't know all the answers
I don't even know a few

And if I were really honest
And the truth were known of me
It may sound a little funny
But this is what My prayer would be

I don't know what to do
But my eyes are on you
I don't know what to do
But my eyes are on you, My Lord

I lift my eyes toward the heavens
I tune my ear to your command
Help me boast in my condition
You're the God and I'm the man

--from the song, "Gideon", by Jason Upton

I wish, I wish, I wish...

2009-07-21T19:25:00.001-07:00

http://survivingtheworld.net/

More words I made...

2009-07-21T17:05:00.001-07:00

http://wordsimade.blogspot.com/

Burning...

2009-07-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

What is to give light must endure burning. --Viktor Frankl

"I need you to be sweet"

2009-07-21T07:35:00.003-07:00

Dr F. B. Meyer once told me that when he was young he was very irritable, and an old man told him that he had found relief from this very thing by looking up the moment he felt it coming, and saying, "Thy sweetness, Lord." ....Take the opposite of your temptation and look up inwardly, naming that opposite; Untruth--Thy truth, Lord; Unkindness--Thy kindness, Lord; Impatience--Thy patience, Lord; Selfishness--Thy unselfishness, Lord; Roughness--Thy gentleness, Lord; Discourtesy--Thy courtesy, Lord; Resentment, inward heat, fuss--Thy sweetness, Lord, Thy calmness, Thy peacefulness.--Edges of His Ways, Amy Carmichael

Love is the thing

2009-07-21T07:35:00.001-07:00

"One can give without loving, but one cannot love without giving." -Amy Carmichael

Loving God is easy; loving people...

2009-07-21T07:32:00.000-07:00

Be the first to love
Be the first to bless
Be the first to give

-Graham Cooke

Who's the boss?

2009-07-21T07:28:00.000-07:00

"The older I get, the surer I am that I'm not running the show." --Leonard Cohen, 74, singer and songwriter

If Walt Whitman had AIM...

2009-07-19T19:04:00.000-07:00

THES SI WUT U SHAL DO LUV DA EARTH AND SUN AND TEH ANIMALS DESPIES RICHAS GIEV ALMS 2 AVARYON3 TAHT ASKS STAND UP FOR TEH STUPID AND CRAZY DEVOTE UR INCOM3 AND LABOR 2 OTHERS HAET TYRANTS ARGUE NOT CONC3RNNG GOD HAEV PATEINC3 AND INDULG3NCA 2WARD DA PAOPL3 TAEK OF UR HAT 2 NOTHNG KNOWN OR UNKNOWN OR 2 ANY MAN OR NUMBR OF MEN–GO FRELEY WIT POWERFUL UNEDUCAETD P3RSONS AND WIT DA U AND WIT TEH MOTHARS OF FMILEIS–R3-EXMIEN AL U HAEV B3N 2LD IN SKOOL OR CHURCH OR IN ANY BOK AND DISMIS WUT INSULTS UR OWN SU AND UR VERY FLESH SHAL B A GR3AT PO3M AND HAEV DA RICHEST FLU3NCY NOT ONLEY IN ITS WORDS BUT IN DA SIELNT LIENS OF ITS LIPS AND FAEC AND BTWEN TEH LASHAS OF UR EYES AND IN EVARY MOTION AND JOINT OF UR BODY!11!!1!! OMG WTF LOL -WALT WHITMAN

http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslator.html

Stand up for the stupid and crazy

2009-07-19T18:33:00.000-07:00

This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown, or to any man or number of men–go freely with powerful uneducated persons, and with the young, and with the mothers of families–re-examine all you have been told in school or church or in any book, and dismiss whatever insults your own soul; and your very flesh shall be a great poem, and have the richest fluency, not only in its words, but in the silent lines of its lips and face, and between the lashes of your eyes, and in every motion and joint of your body. --Walt Whitman

You, O Lord, are enough

2009-07-15T09:58:00.000-07:00

Am I not enough, Mine own? enough,
Mine own, for thee?

All shalt thou find at last,
Only in Me.
Am I not enough, Mine own? I, for ever
and alone, I, needing thee?
--Ter Steegen

That Well-beloved One, "died for desire of us."--Amy Carmichael

So Let Go, Just Get In, Oh, It's So Amazing Here

2009-07-14T07:59:00.001-07:00

The practice of silence gives us the opportunity to face our deepest fears and questions, with the express purpose of opening these up to God so he can meet us and lead us into healing. As [Larry Crabb, in Understanding People,] observes,

"Solitude eventually offers a quiet gift of grace, a gift that comes whenever we are able to face ourselves honestly: the gift of compassion for who we are, as we are. As we allow ourselves to be known in solitude, we discover that we are known by love. Beyond the pain of self-discovery there is a love that does not condemn but calls us to itself. This love receives us as we are."

Silence also gives us the chance to habitually release our own agendas and our need to control everything--including God, if we're honest. When we let go, we can open up to what he wants to give. One of the greatest gifts that comes to us in the silence is that we come to understand that we are loved beyond anything we could ever do for God or for anyone else. As we begin to grasp the reality of God's loving presence in moments of silence, we begin to live and to choose from a centered place, a bedrock of settledness that is worth any price we have to pay to find it. --from The Truths That Free Us, by Ruth Haley Barton

I LOVED YOU ONCE

2009-07-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

Я вас любил: любовь еще, быть может
В душе моей угасла не совсем;
Но пусть она вас больше не тревожит;
Я не хочу печалить вас ничем.
Я вас любил безмолвно, безнадежно,
То робостью, то ревностью томим;
Я вас любил так искренно, так нежно,
Как дай вам бог любимой быть другим.

i loved you once; love still perhaps
has not died out completely within my soul
but it is better that you do not worry
i do not want you to be sad about anything.
i loved you silently, hopelessly,
sometimes shyly, sometimes languishing zealously.
i loved you so tenderly, so sincerely,
that i pray God grant you another love.
--A Pushkin

Oh, thank God...

2009-07-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

The kind of work God usually calls you to is the kind of work...that the world most needs to have done.

The Place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet. --Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking

Another song God can sing to me

2009-07-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

How I wish you could see the potential
The potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound
But in a language that you can't read - just yet
You gotta spend some time, love
You gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart

There are days when outside your window
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective
When we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You gotta spend some time, love
You gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart

You reject my advances and desperate pleas
I won't let you let me down so easily
You gotta spend some time, love
You gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart

-Death Cab For Cutie

Raising my glass, tending my lamp

2009-07-09T06:42:00.000-07:00

"In the first century, generally a young woman would be married in her early teens, often at thirteen or fourteen. It would become known that she was now 'of age,' and her father would entertain offers from the fathers of young men who were interested in marrying her. If the fathers agreed on the terms of the marriage, there would be a celebration to honor the couple and announce their engagement. At this celebration, the groom would offer the young girl a cup of wine to drink.

But she doesn't have to drink it.

She can reject the cup. She can say no to his offer of marriage. Even though everything has been arranged, she can still say no. It's up to her.

Can you imagine the pressure on the young fella?

Here is everybody you love the most, friends and parents and relatives, gathered in a room, watching to see if she will accept the cup.

If she says yes, the groom gives a sort of prepared speech about their future together.

Because if she takes the cup and drinks from it, that only means that they are engaged. They aren't married yet. Something still has to happen.

Or to be more precise, something has to be built.

If she says yes, then the groom goes home and begins building and addition onto his family's home. This is where he and his bride will start their new family together. And so he works and works and works, building a place that they can call home. And here's the interesting part: he doesn't know when he's going to finish. Because he doesn't have the final say on whether it's ready. That's his father's decision. And so his father periodically inspects his work, looking to see if the quality of what the son is building properly honors his future bride. The father has considerations as well. If he has many sons, and they've all built additions, then his house is getting quite large. There are many rooms in it. This was called an insula, a large multifamily dwelling. If the father had built his addition onto his father's house, then by now, several generations later, this is a large dwelling with rooms for a lot of people.

Back to the story.

The future bride is at home, learning how to run a household. She also doesn't know when the work will be done, so she's preparing herself for a date that's coming, she just doesn't know when.

And then the day comes. The father inspects and tells the son that it's time. So the son gets his friends, and they set out for her house to get her. But how will he know what room is hers?

He'll know because she has filled her lamp with oil each night and set it in the window, so that when he comes, he'll know which rooms is hers.

And so he goes to get her, and they gather their friends and family, and there's a giant procession back to his house, where the party starts.

And so when she takes the glass of wine at their engagement party and drinks from it, the groom says to her: "My father's house has plenty of room; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Does his speech sound familiar? This is what Jesus says to his disciples in John 14:2-4.

When Jesus wants to assure his followers that they're going to be okay, that their future is secure, that they shouldn't let their hearts be troubled, he uses the wedding metaphor.

They would have known exactly what he was talking about. They would have heard the groom's speech growing up, the ones who were married would have given it to their brides, and they all would have taken part in numerous wedding celebrations.

To describe heaven, Jesus uses an event they all had experienced and basically says, 'It's like that.' "
--from Sex God, by Rob Bell

Libera me

2009-07-07T06:32:00.000-07:00

Oh Beloved,
take me.
Liberate my soul.
Fill me with your love and
release me from the two worlds.
If I set my heart on anything but you
let fire burn me from inside.

Oh Beloved,
take away what I want.
Take away what I do.
Take away what I need.
Take away everything
that takes me from you.
--Rumi

Burn, burn, burn

2009-07-05T08:28:00.001-07:00

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" --Jack Kerouac

Hope for the Marianne Dashwood in me

2009-07-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete. You are looking at things as they are outwardly. 2 Corinthians 10:3-7

In the midst of the heady perfumes of summer

2009-07-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

LOVE

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.

-from Passions and Impressions, by Pablo Neruda

Hope on

2009-06-18T06:53:00.001-07:00

"For Abraham, when hope was gone, hoped on in faith. His faith never quailed." (Rom. 4:18, 19.)

We shall never forget a remark that George Mueller once made to a gentleman who had asked him the best way to have strong faith.

"The only way," replied the patriarch of faith, "to learn strong faith is to endure great trials. I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings." This is very true. The time to trust is when all else fails.--A. B. Simpson

No rain, no rainbows...

2009-06-18T06:34:00.001-07:00

Fix your thoughts on God instead of the pink elephant in the room

2009-06-15T14:01:00.001-07:00

"Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." Romans 12:1-2, The Message

Struggling no longer...

2009-06-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

Jacob got the victory and the blessing not by wrestling, but by clinging. His limb was out of joint and he could struggle no longer, but he would not let go. Unable to wrestle, he wound his arms around the neck of his mysterious antagonist and hung all his helpless weight upon him, until at last he conquered.

....It is not when we press and urge our own will, but when humility and trust unite in saying, "Not my will, but Thine." We are strong with God only in the degree that self is conquered and is dead. Not by wrestling, but by clinging can we get the blessing.--J. R. Miller

Running in circles

2009-06-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

STUMBLING THROUGH THE DARK

You're so in love little girl
So much in love little girl
Running around in circles, why?
You know it's a crime

No less no more than a rose
No less no more than a rose
Try to attach a meaning
To words that you've heard

Stumbling through the dark
Seems I'm stumbling through the dark
Everybody's stumbling through the dark

The men who proceeded us here
Left only questions and fears
The vanity formed by beauty lies
You know it's a crime

Stumbling through the dark
Seems I'm stumbling through the dark
Everybody's stumbling through the dark
--The Jayhawks

It burns...

2009-06-10T13:14:00.000-07:00

BOTHERED

Don’t be bothered by the fears
I’ll try to bottle them
Like my mother’s perfume
She wore it only on Sunday
Kept it safe in her room
In a chest with a key
We found it anyway

Don’t be bothered by the fears
They’ll only join us like the sky
That blushes red tonight
And makes the wind die down
Calms the troubled sea
More out of duty than pleasure
But out of pleasure nonetheless

Your fire burns me like a favorite song
A song I should have know all along
I feel you move like smoke in my eyes
And that is why

Don’t be bothered by the fears
That sing from my eyes like carrillon
Ringing only on Sunday
On the roof down our street
Finally over the river
Ring for you ring for me
Finally forever
It’s just I never
It’s just I never thought
I never thought that I could be this free

--Over the Rhine

A hidden spring, just where you are

2009-06-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

Judges 15.19; En-hakkore, the well of him that cried.

Samson was hot and tired and thirsty there on the hill, thereafter known as The lifting up of the jaw-bone, or The casting away of the jaw-bone, or for short, The jaw. There was, I suppose, water underground, a hidden spring, as there is in so many hills, but Samson did not see it, did not know it was there. "He was sore athirst, and called on the Lord, and said, Thou hast given this great deliverance into the hand of Thy servant: and now shall I die for thirst? . . . But God clave an hollow place that was in the jaw, and there came water thereout; and when he had drunk, his spirit came again, and he revived." And he gave the place its beautiful name, The well of him that cried.

Have you ever been strengthened to win a victory perhaps over some inward foe, and have you suddenly found yourself tired out and sore athirst? Quite close, just where you are, there is water. Call, and the Lord will cause it to flow for you; some word of life will come to mind, some line of a hymn, some thought of peace, and your spirit will come again and you will be revived.
--from Edges of His Ways, by Amy Carmichael

In need of steadfast endurance

2009-06-05T11:47:00.000-07:00

Heb. 10.36: Ye have need of patience [steadfast endurance], that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

This verse made me think of how continually our Lord makes obedience the test of love: "He that hath My commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth Me." (John 14.21) I was thinking, too of how each act of obedience opens a window in Heaven, and light pours through upon the soul that obeys, and it walks on in that Heavenly light; whereas, just as certainly, the least disobedience shuts the window. No more light can come through. Then I came on this verse in Hebrews, which makes patience the link between obedience and receiving in their fulness the promises of God.

How does this bear upon our life to-day? Well, first I think that obedience is taken for granted (a disobedient child is not even contemplated). Can God take my obedience for granted? If He cannot, there can be only one reason: "He that hath My commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth Me." If I disobey, it must be because I love someone else more. Who? But if that point has been passed, and the soul loves its Lord better than itself, and some word of His has been obeyed, or some urging in prayer yielded to, then may come the need of steadfast endurance. I think it often does. Lord, give to us all to obey and to endure, that even we may receive, for the enriching of our lives, Thy "exceeding great and precious promises." (2 Pet. 1.4)--from Edges of His Ways, by Amy Carmichael

A Poem for Melanie's Birthday

2009-05-26T07:33:00.000-07:00

BESTEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLDED

My first memory was the day you performed
the magic show in Miss Sullivan’s class
You invited me to your Cabbage Patch party;
I brought my Cyndi Lauper record

By the fifth grade we were close enough to share the same coat
and dress up as the two-headed roller skater
Slipped on Isotoners to cat-foot it onto Garfield’s street
and “spy” on passing cars
took them off to face-paint the soles of our feet

We danced to the tune of bum-bum, kitty-kitty
where the rapists and Jersey barriers play
Crossed-dressed and ran from Mugsy and men in Broncos
Snorted Smarties and trafficked gumballs

Wished on the same shooting star
Waited 40 years to jump off the ironing board
and for you to clean the bunny cage

Hitched the ride to Nana’s
laughing to stop having fun back there!
Put our heads together to make
my brown eyes, yours, blue

Your one kidney, my two
Always one more than you
I’d give you both
Infinity

2003

Do not be afraid

2009-05-26T07:24:00.000-07:00

from the blog OneRoofAfrica.com: "Old habits--like clutching your food so no one else at the orphanage takes it from you--die hard."

Reading again about Sterling's understandable fear reminded me of something a woman I highly admire used to say to her often fearful and anxious son: "Joshua, don't be afraid." Not long-winded, but straight to the point and a good reminder. How often does God have to whisper that to us?

Often.

"Do not be afraid.

Do not be afraid.

Do not be afraid..."

-from the song, "A New Law", by Derek Webb

Hanging on God alone

2009-05-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

"They were to be alone with God, for they were not dealing with the laws of nature, nor human government, nor the church, nor the priesthood, nor even with the great prophet of God, but they must needs be isolated from all creatures, from all leaning circumstances, from all props of human reason, and swung off, as it were, into the vast blue inter-stellar space, hanging on God alone, in touch with the fountain of miracles.

Here is a part in the programme of God's dealings, a secret chamber of isolation in prayer and faith which every soul must enter that is very fruitful.
There are times and places where God will form a mysterious wall around us, and cut away all props, and all the ordinary ways of doing things, and shut us up to something Divine, which is utterly new and unexpected, something that old circumstances do not fit into, where we do not know just what will happen, where God is cutting the cloth of our lives on a new pattern, where He makes us look to Himself.

Most religious people live in a sort of treadmill life, where they can calculate almost everything that will happen, but the souls that God leads out into immediate and special dealings, He shuts in where all they know is that God has hold of them, and is dealing with them, and their expectation is from Him alone.

Like [the] widow, we must be detached from outward things and attached inwardly to the Lord alone in order to see His wonders.--Soul Food

Waiting for Sunday...

2009-05-22T07:00:00.001-07:00

SOUTHBOROUGH L’ABRI NEWSLETTER, SPRING/SUMMER, 2009
49 Lynbrook Road, Southborough, MA 01772

....There are two ways to experience a story. The first way is when you know the ending and are re-reading or re-hearing it. The second is when you don’t know the end or any of the events until they happen. The first can have greater depth and the second has the intensity of suspense in uncertainty.
Many of us know how Bible stories are going to turn out. This is a good thing, but also a liability. If we know a story well it is easy to have a sense that the end was natural, obvious or inevitable. Anybody could have seen it coming. Easter follows Good Friday. It always has. There are no surprises there. We cannot pretend to “not know” about Easter Sunday, but we can try to put ourselves in the shoes of the people who thought that Good Friday was the end of the story of Jesus. If we don’t do that, we miss out on a lot that we need to learn. The problem at hand is that we all live our own lives in the second way, learning of events only as they happen and not knowing how our story will end. We are all future-blind and we need to learn how to live that way, but by faith. The early followers of Jesus could not “fast forward” to Easter Sunday, just as we can’t “fast forward” over times of darkness, grief and disappointment in our own lives.

I think it is hard for us to realize the kind of catastrophe Good Friday was to the disciples. So many hopes smashed, so much grief, helpless outrage and bewilderment. How could they have gotten it so wrong? Where was God? It was too hard to imagine that God the Father had failed or that Jesus had failed either. But what had gone wrong?

There is new interest in Saturday, “Holy Saturday”, but it is not because the Bible tells us much about what took place that day. It was the Sabbath, so the main thing they had to do was to be still. But imagine what it meant for them to be still after what had just happened the day before – their Savior, their Lord, their Hope, their Friend and their God, the one they had given up everything to follow, had just been tortured to death. They couldn’t do any of the normal things to distract themselves because it was the Sabbath. They were stuck having to stay still, think about it, and worship God. But where had God been yesterday?

Somehow, they had no hope for his resurrection. When the news first came to them from the women who had been to the tomb on Sunday morning, they considered it “nonsense”, “an idle tale”. Why? My guess is that whenever Jesus had predicted his crucifixion, the disciples had been so adamant to dissuade him from even thinking about his death, that they never heard him when he went on to speak of his resurrection. Whatever the reason, they lived Friday, all day Saturday and the start of Sunday morning with grief, confusion and without hope.

One implication of all this is that God in his wisdom seems to have allowed his people to go through this time of darkness and even despair, to look into a chasm of hopelessness. It seems also that he allows this to happen to us also, as we live out our life’s story without knowing future events or having a fast forward button available. Most of us have gone through times of bewilderment and despair. Many who come here as students certainly have, but have been taught that despair should not happen to “good Christians” and so do not think they even have the right to talk about it. Thank God that people in the Biblical account did not feel so constrained! God seems to allow these times for reasons that are in any final sense, unknown to us. But perhaps a partial reason might be that we can learn things that we cannot learn when everything is working according to our plans. His presence is with us even when we feel that we are experiencing his absence.

Easter Sunday was a time of lights switching on all over the place, lights of understanding and hope. Suddenly Jesus as king could be taken seriously again. The idea of Jesus as High Priest could be taken seriously for the first time – that his death was his own intentional, once for all sacrifice for the sins of all those who would ever trust in him. So much of his teaching began to make sense to them, sense that it never had made before. They could suddenly see how he was the “good shepherd who laid down his life for the sheep”, the “lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world”.

So, as we hear the story of Jesus, knowing its ending, let’s still try to experience it from the shoes of those who couldn’t see Easter coming. If we dare to look into the dark of their hopelessness, we may learn more about the brightness of the lights that came on at the resurrection, and that are still shining. That way we may also learn something about navigating our own future-blind lives by faith.

Waveringly unwavering

2009-05-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

"By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive an inheritance, obeyed." (Heb. 11:8.)

Whither he went, he knew not; it was enough for him to know that he went with God. He leant not so much upon the promises as upon the Promiser. He looked not on the difficulties of his lot, but on the King, eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, who had deigned to appoint his course, and would certainly vindicate Himself. O glorious faith! This is thy work, these are thy possibilities; contentment to sail with sealed orders, because of unwavering confidence in the wisdom of the Lord High Admiral; willinghood to rise up, leave all, and follow Christ, because of the glad assurance that earth's best cannot bear comparison with Heaven's least. -F.B.M.

I don't mind if I am getting nowhere

2009-05-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

I don't mind if I am getting nowhere
circling the seed of light
I've been greedy for some destination
I can't get to where are you?
Turning reverie to perfect solids, bone and shells to hide ourselves
I tried, but can't find refuge in the angle, I walk the mystery of the curve

Five colors blind the eyes
see the world inside
amazed alone

I don't mind if I am getting nowhere
circling the seed of truth
Telling everything but saying nothing
I went further than I knew
giving meaning a resuscitation
the darkest soul illuminates
the sky is changing I'm unknowing knowing
as every sign of new life waits

Five colors blind the eyes
see the world inside
amazed alone

Opening my hands...closing wounds I made myself
raise the dead and bury all my fears
Listen to the rain
and the bells that ring in my dreams
turning time to break its line from here
to the small forgotten road
where we see the concrete world disintegrating

I don't mind if I am getting nowhere
circling the seed of light
I've been greedy for some destination
I can't get to where are you?
Turning reverie to perfect solids, bone and shells to hide ourselves
I tried, but can't find refuge in the angle, I walk the mystery of the curve

Approved Unto God

2009-05-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

ABANDONED

Utterly abandoned to the Holy Ghost!
Seeking all His fullness at whatever cost;
Cutting all the shore-lines, launching in the deep
Of His mighty power--strong to save and keep.

Utterly abandoned to the Holy Ghost!
Oh! the sinking, sinking, until self is lost!
Until the emptied vessel lies broken at His feet;
Waiting till His filling shall make the work complete.

Utterly abandoned to the will of God;
Seeking for no other path than my Master trod;
Leaving ease and pleasure, making Him my choice,
Waiting for His guidance, listening for His voice.

Utterly abandoned! no will of my own;
For time and for eternity, His, and His alone
All my plans and purposes lost in His sweet will,
Having nothing, yet in Him all things possessing still.

Utterly abandoned! 'tis so sweet to be
Captive in His bonds of love, yet so wondrous free;
Free from sin's entanglements, free from doubt and fear,
Free from every worry, burden, grief or care.

Utterly abandoned! oh, the rest is sweet,
As I tarry, waiting, at His blessed feet;
Waiting for the coming of the Guest divine,
Who my inmost being shall perfectly refine.

Lo! He comes and fills me, Holy Spirit sweet!
I, in Him, am satisfied! I, in Him, complete!
And the light within my soul shall nevermore grow dim
While I keep my covenant--abandoned unto Him!
-Author Unknown

A song God can sing to me

2009-05-19T07:50:00.001-07:00

Yes, I just Rick-rolled my own blog. Whatevs.

NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We’ve know each other for so long
Your heart’s been aching
But you’re too shy to say it
Inside we both know what’s been going on
We know the game and we’re gonna play it

And if you ask me how I’m feeling
Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see

Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up
-Rick Astley (you know it)

An in-between time

2009-05-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

THE SHOW

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
i don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried, and i don't know why...

Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot
To be something i'm not
I'm a fool out of love
'Cause i just can't get enough...

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
i don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried, and i don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know i've got to let it go...
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs
And synchronize in time
It's a joke, nobody knows
They've got a ticket to the show....

i want my money back
i want my money back
i want my money back
just enjoy the show

My food is to do your will

2009-05-07T13:24:00.000-07:00

THE CHRIST OF OBEDIENCE

Here at your feet,
Crucified Lord,
I gaze on you;
but the more I gaze
the less I understand.

My body trembles
as I ponder your words
to the Father:
“My food is to do your will
and to drink of the cup
you have prepared for me,
even though bitter and terrifying.”

Crucified Lord,
do you understand my terror?
Do you empathize with my inability
to surrender to your love
and to say “yes”
in obedience to the Father?

Help me, Lord,
for I would like to surrender . . .
But only with your help
will I be able to echo with my being
the painful “fiat” of your Mother.

-Bishop William Giaquinta

More Pop Songs to Sing to God

2009-05-06T07:23:00.000-07:00

NO ONE

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's gonna be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all I know is everything's
gonna be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I
feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's gonna be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all I know is everything's
gonna be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I
feel for you

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try to
divide something so real
So til the end of time I'm
telling you there is no one

No one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I
feel for you

-Alicia Keys

Smaller than I had been

2009-04-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

"Then the lion said -- but I don't know if it spoke -- 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know -- if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy -- oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."

"I know exactly what you mean, " said Edmund.

"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off -- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt -- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me -- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on -- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again." [115-116]

WHEN ALL HOPE IS LOST

2009-04-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

You try
and you fail
and you try again

And you hit walls
and roadblocks
and street signs

You leave
and you go
and you run away

But you always find
at least one
at least one
who has been touched
who has been affected
who has been changed

-Written after watching "Born into Brothels" for the second time

The Serenity Prayer LP

2009-04-30T05:20:00.000-07:00

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that You will make all things right
If I surrender to Your will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with You
Forever in the next.
Amen.

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