December 26, 2008
Christmas morning I dug out a box of my father's mementos and looked through them with my family. This letter that I wrote was among them; God has answered every prayer therein:
"My dad is really sick, so please pray for him. He had a horrible headache all day, and this afternoon he passed out, broke into a cold sweat, and was nauseous. My mom took him to the doctor's office, but she just called me from the hospital. He nearly passed out at the doctor's, so they took him to the hospital. When he got to the hospital, he almost passed out again. They are doing some tests, but she doesn't know how long he will be there or if they will admit him.
It is times like this that I just wish I could relate to my father in a way that would make it easier to spend time with him. Sometimes I feel like the only thing we have in common is our last name.
If he were to die, I would never have been able to SHOW him I love him. I know he knows that, and I try to say it sometimes ("just in case," you know?), but I never have a chance to put my love into action. I wish I liked watching the O.J. Simpson trials, just so I could spend some time with him. Sometimes I feel like living a life that is pleasing to God, brings my dad honor, and makes him proud of me isn't enough.
Please pray for a renewal in my relationship with my father. The healing has already taken place, through the acceptance of God's father heart, but we haven't had an opportunity to nurture our relationship. Pray that we get that chance.
"I was regretting the past, and fearing the future.
Suddenly, my Lord was speaking:
He paused. I waited. He continued,
'When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets,
it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WAS.
When you live in the future with its problems and fears,
it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WILL BE.
When you live in this moment it is not hard. I am here.
My name is I AM."
-Helen Mallicoat
I just made some chocolate mousse for my dad, only to hear that he is being transferred to Rhode Island Hospital. At Sturdy they discovered he doesn't have the flu, but something they don't have the means to test. My mom is coming home, so I heated up some soup and set the table for dinner. I hope he doesn't die. I know that is a morbid thought, but being afraid your parents were going to die since you were 10 makes you prepared at all times. I just told the Lord that my daddy's life is in His hands, and if He chooses to take it, my one prayer is this: that before he breathes his last breath, that my dad would be truly saved and deemed worthy to enter the kingdom of heaven. My heart was screaming this prayer. I know He heard me. I know He will answer in His way and time."
-April 1995
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